The student news site of The University of South Alabama

The Vanguard

Dear Debbie: Am I being ghosted?

Most+relationships+require+a+minimum+of+two+participants.
Most relationships require a minimum of two participants.

Most relationships require a minimum of two participants.

Briana Cunningham

Briana Cunningham

Most relationships require a minimum of two participants.

Rachel Goodman, Opinion Editor

Hang on for a minute...we're trying to find some more stories you might like.


Email This Story






Almost everyone who participates in modern-day dating has been a victim of the phenomenon called “ghosting.” For anyone who doesn’t know, ghosting is when you are communicating regularly with a potential love interest online, and then out of nowhere they quit responding without explantation. They disappear into thin air, much like a ghost would. Here are several reasons why your soon-to-be love has faded into the ghostly abyss.

Nine times out of ten, if you have to question whether or not you’re being ghosted, you are. People are constantly connected to their technological devices; if someone wants to talk to you, they will make the effort to get in touch.

Often, people will spend weeks worrying over someone who stopped responding to them. They tear themselves apart wondering what they said wrong or if something terrible has happened to the person they were corresponding with.

The likelihood that someone stopped talking to you because of some tragic accident is very low. Try and be more realistic with your speculations.

A likely scenario is that they have been talking to you casually online, but then begin a relationship in real life, so they cut off all contact with you to avoid upsetting their new significant other.

Another reason that someone may stop responding is that they have simply lost interest. This is sad, but true in many cases. Often, people talk to numerous potential love interests without any serious intentions of dating them and you may have gotten lost in the shuffle of their overcrowded DMs.

Though it is rare, it is possible that someone who seems to be ghosting you is truly busy, but this is more likely if you are talking to someone who you have actually met in person. Meeting in person signifies a deeper level of interest.

If they usually take a couple days to respond, they are probably just busy. Consistency is key here. If you can see that they’re consistently making an effort to stay in contact with you that’s a good sign. If they’ve gone MIA for over a week, it may be time to cut your losses.

Take the time to ask about what they do on a day-to-day basis. Do they have a particularly demanding job or major?

If they answer yes to either of the above questions, there is a good chance that your love interest is truly busy. If they are working eight hours a day, or are taking incredibly challenging classes, they may not have such ready access to their computers or phones.

The best thing to do in this situation is to discuss your concerns with your potential love. Don’t accuse them of anything. Lightheartedly question them over their lack of timely responses.

Normally, if someone has a completely innocent reason for not responding they will have no problem letting you know. I have friends in medical school who will ignore me for days with no ill intent.

Remember, even if you are truly being ghosted,  no one’s actions towards you define you. Someone ignoring you does not mean that you aren’t someone worthy of love. You alone can define your self worth. Give yourself a break and don’t take it personally.

Instead of tearing yourself apart wondering what you did wrong, try and understand that this person has an entire life that you are unaware of. A numerous amount of outside factors that are out of your control are the most likely reason they have stopped responding to you.

Spend time with your friends, read a book, and focus on living in the moment. Yourself and your own happiness should take precedence over some flaky person making you feel insecure. Don’t let anyone but yourself hold the controller for your happiness. People will always let you down. But if you can learn to be happy with yourself, regardless of  the approval of others, you’ve achieved something great.

Questions for Debbie?  Email her at [email protected]  

Print Friendly, PDF & Email

Leave a Comment

If you want a picture to show with your comment, go get a gravatar.




Navigate Right
Navigate Left
  • Dear Debbie: Am I being ghosted?

    Opinion

    Top 5 Tips for reading faster and comprehending more

  • Opinion

    Dear Debbie: How can I continue to eat healthily while living in a dorm?

  • Dear Debbie: Am I being ghosted?

    Opinion

    Dear Debbie: My Boyfriend tries to control me

  • Opinion

    Dear Debbie: My best friend is driving drunk, what should I do?

  • Dear Debbie: Am I being ghosted?

    Opinion

    Dear Debbie: Political disagreements should not end friendships

  • Dear Debbie: Am I being ghosted?

    Opinion

    Controversial acne medicine cured me

  • Dear Debbie: Am I being ghosted?

    Opinion

    Dear Debbie: Factime crime

  • Dear Debbie: Am I being ghosted?

    Opinion

    Get involved with SGA

  • Dear Debbie: Am I being ghosted?

    Column

    It’s time for a major change

  • Dear Debbie: Am I being ghosted?

    Column

    Dear Debbie: Seriously, stop smoking

The student news site of The University of South Alabama
Dear Debbie: Am I being ghosted?