The Vanguard

Filed under Opinion, Uncategorized

Satire: Six steps to getting a girlfriend

Shleby Guidry

Hang on for a minute...we're trying to find some more stories you might like.

Email This Story

Are you tired of being the third wheel when going out with friends? Are you sick of being the only one without a date? Well, no need to fret! is guide will tell you everything you need to know to end your days of singledom and get a girlfriend. Follow these six simple steps and your romantic problems will go away.

First, the most important les- son is to text the girl nonstop. The best time is late at night, usually past midnight. This is the perfect time; she should not be busy and can respond. If the girl does not respond after about 20 texts, do not be afraid to call her. Girls love it when potential romantic interests do this.

If she picks up the phone and sounds annoyed, that just means she is into you. If the text
bubbles go from blue to green, do not worry. This means the texts are getting to her faster.

Second, learn her schedule. Is the girl you are interested in attending the class next to yours? Perfect! She gets out of class 30 minutes after you do? Even better! This gives
you the opportunity to wait for her and surprise her.

Offer to walk her to her dorm or next class. These simple gestures will show her how respected she is. When she rejects the offers, keep insisting. This is her playing hard to get, but she will eventually give in.

Knowing where she lives or her next class gives you more chances to surprise her more often.

Third, if you see the girl with another guy, make sure he knows she is taken. Get between them when they are walking. Make sure to dominate the conversation, never let the other person get a word in.

The other guy might use wordslike ‘creep’ and ‘pushy,’ but do not worry. The person is just jealous. This method is the best way to get the girl’s respect. Other girls will avoid anyone who does this, as they see how serious the relationship is.

Fourth, always make sure to
tell her she is not like other girls. Putting other girls down raises any girl’s self-esteem. Make sure to bring up any ex-girlfriends and how this girl is much better than the ex. The best time to do this is at random times. When walking around, bring up an ex’s flaws. The girl will definetely feel better about herself after hearing all the flaws. If the girl gets quiet after this, she is thinking how much better she is.

Fifth, always tell self-deprecating jokes. The more brutal the joke, the better. Do not be afraid to bringup not being good at anything and being a disappointment. is will make a girl feel sorry for anyone. The more this happens, the more she will try to help. The girl will start giving compliments, saying how none of that is true.

This is the best way to know she is hooked.

Sixth, if all else fails, play hard to get. Things are going good and she is interested and planning dates? Start ignoring her. Do not answer her phone calls and texts. Doing this for a long time will only keep her interested. Openly flirt with her best friend to show the girl what a catch you are.

This is the ultimate power move. No one will be able to resist.

Using all of these tips, getting a girlfriend should be no problem. Girls will start lining up at your. In no time at all, third-wheeling will not be an issue. Being single will be a distant memory.

Print Friendly, PDF & Email
Leave a Comment

Navigate Left
  • Satire: Six steps to getting a girlfriend


    It’s time for college football to change

  • Satire: Six steps to getting a girlfriend


    Dear Debbie: My boss is a tyrant

  • Satire: Six steps to getting a girlfriend


    Accommodation review: Mobile County Metro Jail

  • Satire: Six steps to getting a girlfriend


    The legacy of Jackie Robinson today

  • Satire: Six steps to getting a girlfriend


    Covering political topics in the classroom

Navigate Right
The University of South Alabama's student news site
Satire: Six steps to getting a girlfriend